And I Couldn’t Help But Wonder… Why Is All This Still on Moms?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the mental load lately — how it’s not just the tasks we do, but the quiet, constant layer of tracking, anticipating, remembering, softening, and supporting that tends to land on moms.

And this week gave me a few crystal-clear reminders.

On Wednesday, I realized I had forgotten to send my son with a can for the school food drive.
The reminder went to both my husband and me, yet somehow the responsibility lived in my brain. When it slipped, it felt like my mistake — the scramble, the guilt, the mental “How do I fix this?” spiral… all of that landed squarely on my shoulders.

Then on Thursday, a dad forgot a booster seat for the class field trip.
Before anyone had a chance to stress, a few moms had already stepped in — offering extras, checking trunks, texting solutions. Not because anyone expected them to swoop in, but because moms are so used to being the quiet safety net. The ones who carry the backup plans, the extra gear, the “just in case.”

There was also the calendar coordination — the kind of invisible work that never makes a checklist.
This week alone, I tracked early release schedules, substitute teacher days, after-school shifts, and who needed to be where and when. No one told me to do it. It’s simply the kind of information that finds its way into my brain first.

And then there’s the emotional temperature monitoring.
Noticing which kid had a tough moment at recess. Remembering the friend dynamic that might impact tomorrow. Holding the teacher’s passing comment. Anticipating the next wobble before it even hits the ground. It’s not a task — it’s an instinctual form of care that takes up real mental space.

All of these things — large and tiny — stack up.

And I couldn’t help but wonder (my not-so-subtle Carrie Bradshaw nod):
What would moms do with all the mental space we’d get back if our brains weren’t carrying all this crap?

What ideas would surface?
What rest would feel possible?
What would we create or dream or simply feel if our minds weren’t constantly bracing for the next reminder, request, or responsibility?

This — all of this — is the mental load.
The invisible labor that sits under everything we do.

If you’re carrying it too, you’re not imagining it. You’re not failing.
You’re moving through a system that quietly hands moms the emotional and logistical weight of an entire household.

And this is exactly why I’m hosting a Fair Play workshop next month:

Fair Play Workshop
📍 Metta Yoga – San Rafael
📅 Saturday, December 6
⏰ 1–2:30 PM

We’ll talk honestly about what the mental load looks like in real families — and what it can look like to share it in a way that’s sustainable, supportive, and fair.

If you’re ready to reclaim even some of that mental space, I’d love to have you there.