It Takes a Village (and a Few Second Favorite Mamas)
When I think about the early years of motherhood, one of the brightest parts wasn’t just the daycare my kids attended (though I miss dearly) - it was the moms I met there. We were thrown together in a season none of us could have anticipated. During the pandemic, when everything felt uncertain and isolating, our daycare circle became family.
What started as masked drop-offs and quick hellos, followed by outdoor park meetups on Fridays and holiday party chit-chats, grew into something much deeper. We leaned on each other through the stress and the fear, and somewhere along the way, we built a bond that has lasted long beyond those days. Now we plan family camping trips, gather for regular playdates, park meet- ups, moms’ nights, and even pulled off our first inaugural moms’ getaway - sans kids!
We even branded ourselves “The Second Favorite Mamas,” (personalized hats and all) a name that makes us laugh but also captures why community in motherhood is so essential. The name actually came from one of our kids. One weekend during our kids’ T-ball practice, a friend couldn’t be there because she was traveling. I was helping to coach and I told her daughter I was there if she needed any extra “mama love” while her mom was out of town. Without missing a beat she grinned, gave me a hug and said, “Okay, you’re my second favorite mommy.” The name stuck, and soon it became how we described those moments when our kids would reach for one of us for a snack, comfort, encouragement, or just a laugh. What started as a funny nickname grew into the truest description of who we are to each other’s families.
Because the truth is: I don’t want my husband and me to be the only people my kids can turn to. I want them to know there are other adults who care, who see them for exactly who they are, and who will cheer them on in ways I sometimes can’t. I want them to grow up knowing that leaning on others is strength, not weakness.
And I need that too. Motherhood can feel so consuming, but with these women, I don’t have to explain myself. We’ve shared tears, laughter, late-night texts, moms nights and endless snacks and adult beverages. Our kids may now be scattered across different schools, but our bond remains steady - born out of surviving something hard together, and choosing to stay connected.
We’ve been there for each other through all of life’s ups and downs — the birth of new babies, supporting one another through tough parenting moments, cheering each other on through career changes, and holding space for grief, aging parents, and relationship pivots. These aren’t just friendships; they’re lifelines.
For me, this is what a village looks like: friends who step in, not just for you, but for your kids. They are the people on my approved school pick-up list. People who normalize the struggles, celebrate the small wins, and show up when you can’t.
Another bonus of this circle? Most of my mom friends have daughters. As a boy mom, I love getting a taste of the girl world - stylish fits, bedazzled accessories, KPop Demon Hunters dance parties, all things Taylor Swift. But what really lights me up is seeing these girls discover their voices and their strength - whether it’s owning the field in sports, speaking up with confidence, or just rocking out without apology. It’s girl time, yes, but it’s also a glimpse into the next generation of women learning to stand tall. And I love my boys getting to see that too!
The Second Favorite Mamas remind me every day that motherhood was never meant to be done alone. If you’ve found your version of that circle, hold it close. And if you’re still searching, know that those connections can be built — often in the most unexpected places.
The beauty of motherhood is that our stories are meant to be shared. That’s exactly why I created Surviving Modern Motherhood: The Early Years Edition - a therapy group for moms in the early years. It’s a space to exhale, speak honestly, and begin building the kind of support and friendships that carry you through the ups and downs of parenting and life. Because no mom should have to walk this road without her people.
Finding your “village” doesn’t happen overnight, but it does start with one step. My Surviving Modern Motherhood group is one way to begin building those connections. Learn more here.